Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things and people commonly avoid it for fear of it being too painful. Or because they do not know where to begin and how to actually work through the process of releasing, moving on and gaining freedom from an unhealthy relationship. Moreso, letting go often triggers a fear of being alone which creates a stuck point in one’s mindset and prevents you from being able to move forward in your life.

Therefore, when people hold on, they let fear win: fear of hurt, fear of loss, fear of rejection, and fear of pain. They allow the challenge of letting go to prevent them from pursuing any opportunity for positive change. However, when you choose to let go, you choose to take control of your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and outcomes. Hence, healing internal fears and insecurities with proven techniques is essential to overcome the obstacle of putting your best interests first and saying no to the relationship.

When a relationship ends, it’s an opportunity to take stock of what happened and learn from the experience and take those learnt lessons with you into the next relationship.

1. Ask yourself, did you truly listen to your partner’s viewpoints?
2. Did you compare your relationship to others and validate your happiness against the perceived happiness of others?
3. Can you identify dysfunctional patterns that kept repeating throughout the relationship?
4. Did you truly allow the other person to be their authentic selves? 
5. Were there elements of your character that were not favourable for you to own up to, acknowledge and work on?
6. Were there any red flags that got ignored hoping they would improve on their own, which you did not communicate early enough?

Being able to learn from your mistakes improves self-esteem and creates emotional health in relationships. As painful as it is, accountability leads to healthier connections in the future. Which is why honoring the pain is the only way to complete the lesson of what the relationship was meant to teach you.

Journaling is an effective technique in assisting in letting go of feelings and emotions attached to a break up. Journal writing promotes healing as you are able to tell your story in a safe way, venting frustration and expressing private thoughts without worrying about feeling judged. Writing helps to clarify what’s important and helps us to see our progress over time. It’s also a way of getting to the root of the problem. As you keep writing, you’ll get to deeper levels and sometimes make connections to past events that need healing.

Another important factor to remember when working through the process of letting go a loved one is to not overthink the situation. Obsessing creates a type of tunnel vision where your attention is no longer focused on what you need to do, but on what you’d like the other person to change. Instead, redirect your energy back to you. Imagine them on their way to a new life and wish them well. Forgiveness will set you free. 

Be gentle and kind to yourself, if you are going through the process of letting go, it is the time to adopt additional self-care practices and reach out for support. Please don’t hesitate to contact me, I would love to assist you in your healing journey. 

In love, light and happiness 

Debbie Taylor